New people or things on NOTICE!!!!
Iowa City - Iowa city you have now become one of the most loatsome cities in these grand United States. Iowa City you may be asking yourself why you are on notice an on notice list that includes the like of Jason Marquis, Nick Punto, Jew for Jesus and of course Billy Corgan? Well Iowa City good question to ask. Iowa City you are the place where Jim James got hurt. Yes the same Jim James that sings for the band My Morning Jacket. Now you may ask why this is important to me. Well lets see because of you Iowa City (No not really) Jim James and My Morning Jacket have had to cancel their Barack Obama benefit concert here in the great city of Chicago. Hear that Iowa City the great city of Chicago. Oh wait My Morning Jacket have also had to cancel their shows in Chicago, one of which I was going to. You know what Iowa City, fuck you!!!!!
Also on Notice
Jim James - Way to fall and vust your head. Seriously thank you because I didn't want to go to your concert.
My Morning Jacket- Who the fuck plays in Iowa City. What the hell is an Iowa City anyway.
Darkness and Sub Woofers - Thank you for helping cause Jim James' fall in Iowa City.
Sliding down my on notice
Billy Corgan - Way to schedule four shows in Chicago but that doesn't mean you are not an asshole that roles around in white powder before your shows. So in case you were wondering yes you are still ON NOTICE!! Just a few pegs lower.
Wednesday, October 8, 2008
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
Good Bye Sony Headphones.
It was a tragic day in Juan's bedroom today. At approximately 1:30 am Sony headphones were found slain. No culprit has been found or motive for these horrid criminal act.
When reached for comment Juan Carlos Olivares had this to say, "That was probably my seventh pair of those headphones in the past 5 years. I am going to miss those headphones or as I liked to call them Seven. I don't know who committed this atrocious crime but when I find out who did they will pay, approximately 19.99 plus tax."
Sony headphones are survived by a Sony Sync cd player. No dates have been set for the funeral proceeding considering an autopsy is still being done on the headphones.
Sony Headphones February 2007- October 2008 RIP
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
What the fuck is a Jakub Dylan
Although titled What the fuck is a Jakub Dylan this is actually my on notice list. Yes imitation is the sincerest form of flattery well not in this case I am stealing this from Brandon Lee who stole it from Stephen Colbertwho probably stole it from Jakub Dylan (any chance I get to mention Jakub Dylan I will, althought that is probably the last time I will). Well I guess I will start off by listing ten but I know there are more.
On Notice
10. AC Newman- Lead singer of the New Pornographers. You are a dick and you are not that good live. I have never been to a concert with a lack of emotion and thrill than when I have seen The New Pornographers sans Neko Case.
9. Major League baseball- The mlb is on this list because I am tired of hearing God Bless America. Quite possibly the worst patriotic song ever. seventh inning stretch is fine with me but seriously I am tired of watching Baseball games and going to them and hearing God Bless America. So just stop.
8. Shitty town that surround Chicago most notably Milwaukee and Gary. Milwaukee you are nothing better that a shantytown version of Chicago, although you do have the McRib but that is the only positive. Gary, well you just flatout depress me. Turn some damn lights on or something
7. Canadian immigration - Holy fuck you guys are scary. Little bit of advice to travelers to the great country of Canada, fear 6 foot 3 inch women who work at the custom at the airport. I know I do
6. Anyone involved in the making of Batman and Robin- Joel Schumacer I want to destroy you for this, that movie is quite possible the worst thing my eyes have ever seen. Yeah even worse than the three times I saw the new Pornographers.
5. People who wear scarves/pashminas in 80 degree whether- It is impractical and unneccessary. Just because the pianist from Vampire Weekend does it doesn't make it okay. I must note that he looks weird when he doesn't wear one.
4. Jason Marquis - I am not a Cubs fan but never have I seen a more worthless piece of garbage and waste of payroll than you. this is amazing considering you play on the same team as Alfonso Soriano. Way to go.
3. Nick Punto - I stand corrected. FUCK YOU NICK PUNTO. I blame you if the Twins don't make the playoffs.
2. Billy Corgan - Playing in Hammond, Indiana does not count as playing in Chicago. It has been 2 years since the "Smashin Pumpkins" (or less than Zwan up to you) got back together and you haven't played in Chicago. I will one day forgive you but it doesn't appear to be anytime soon.
1. Jews for Jesus - thank you for trying to guilt me to listening to you by having a mentally diabled person and a blind person read a prayer to me. It just makes me even more grateful I am a pastafarian. Thank you o' grand flying spaghetti monster.
On Notice
10. AC Newman- Lead singer of the New Pornographers. You are a dick and you are not that good live. I have never been to a concert with a lack of emotion and thrill than when I have seen The New Pornographers sans Neko Case.
9. Major League baseball- The mlb is on this list because I am tired of hearing God Bless America. Quite possibly the worst patriotic song ever. seventh inning stretch is fine with me but seriously I am tired of watching Baseball games and going to them and hearing God Bless America. So just stop.
8. Shitty town that surround Chicago most notably Milwaukee and Gary. Milwaukee you are nothing better that a shantytown version of Chicago, although you do have the McRib but that is the only positive. Gary, well you just flatout depress me. Turn some damn lights on or something
7. Canadian immigration - Holy fuck you guys are scary. Little bit of advice to travelers to the great country of Canada, fear 6 foot 3 inch women who work at the custom at the airport. I know I do
6. Anyone involved in the making of Batman and Robin- Joel Schumacer I want to destroy you for this, that movie is quite possible the worst thing my eyes have ever seen. Yeah even worse than the three times I saw the new Pornographers.
5. People who wear scarves/pashminas in 80 degree whether- It is impractical and unneccessary. Just because the pianist from Vampire Weekend does it doesn't make it okay. I must note that he looks weird when he doesn't wear one.
4. Jason Marquis - I am not a Cubs fan but never have I seen a more worthless piece of garbage and waste of payroll than you. this is amazing considering you play on the same team as Alfonso Soriano. Way to go.
3. Nick Punto - I stand corrected. FUCK YOU NICK PUNTO. I blame you if the Twins don't make the playoffs.
2. Billy Corgan - Playing in Hammond, Indiana does not count as playing in Chicago. It has been 2 years since the "Smashin Pumpkins" (or less than Zwan up to you) got back together and you haven't played in Chicago. I will one day forgive you but it doesn't appear to be anytime soon.
1. Jews for Jesus - thank you for trying to guilt me to listening to you by having a mentally diabled person and a blind person read a prayer to me. It just makes me even more grateful I am a pastafarian. Thank you o' grand flying spaghetti monster.
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