What the fuck is a Jakub Dylan

Although titled What the fuck is a Jakub Dylan this is actually my on notice list. Yes imitation is the sincerest form of flattery well not in this case I am stealing this from Brandon Lee who stole it from Stephen Colbertwho probably stole it from Jakub Dylan (any chance I get to mention Jakub Dylan I will, althought that is probably the last time I will). Well I guess I will start off by listing ten but I know there are more.

On Notice

10. AC Newman- Lead singer of the New Pornographers. You are a dick and you are not that good live. I have never been to a concert with a lack of emotion and thrill than when I have seen The New Pornographers sans Neko Case.

9. Major League baseball- The mlb is on this list because I am tired of hearing God Bless America. Quite possibly the worst patriotic song ever. seventh inning stretch is fine with me but seriously I am tired of watching Baseball games and going to them and hearing God Bless America. So just stop.

8. Shitty town that surround Chicago most notably Milwaukee and Gary. Milwaukee you are nothing better that a shantytown version of Chicago, although you do have the McRib but that is the only positive. Gary, well you just flatout depress me. Turn some damn lights on or something

7. Canadian immigration - Holy fuck you guys are scary. Little bit of advice to travelers to the great country of Canada, fear 6 foot 3 inch women who work at the custom at the airport. I know I do

6. Anyone involved in the making of Batman and Robin- Joel Schumacer I want to destroy you for this, that movie is quite possible the worst thing my eyes have ever seen. Yeah even worse than the three times I saw the new Pornographers.

5. People who wear scarves/pashminas in 80 degree whether- It is impractical and unneccessary. Just because the pianist from Vampire Weekend does it doesn't make it okay. I must note that he looks weird when he doesn't wear one.

4. Jason Marquis - I am not a Cubs fan but never have I seen a more worthless piece of garbage and waste of payroll than you. this is amazing considering you play on the same team as Alfonso Soriano. Way to go.

3. Nick Punto - I stand corrected. FUCK YOU NICK PUNTO. I blame you if the Twins don't make the playoffs.

2. Billy Corgan - Playing in Hammond, Indiana does not count as playing in Chicago. It has been 2 years since the "Smashin Pumpkins" (or less than Zwan up to you) got back together and you haven't played in Chicago. I will one day forgive you but it doesn't appear to be anytime soon.

1. Jews for Jesus - thank you for trying to guilt me to listening to you by having a mentally diabled person and a blind person read a prayer to me. It just makes me even more grateful I am a pastafarian. Thank you o' grand flying spaghetti monster.